How to Destroy a Juraian Fleet
by The Mighty Uuplaku
Summary: Ever wanted to know how to beat the Juraians? Here's how.


David J Thompson presents a quick little fic written around 1:00 am PST.  
  
For you folks on the East Coast it would 4 am. For Kanto standard time  
  
(Around the area where the Tenchi house is) It would be about 8 pm later  
  
that day. Oh well, enough with the insanely stupid time differences, on  
  
with the fic!  
  
"How to destroy a Juraian Fleet"  
  
A short Essay on the weaknesses of the Juraian war machine.  
  
********  
  
Looming out of the cold darkness like a massive whale in an ocean of  
  
black, the Juraian frigate "Ozumi" sped forward. Its hull, made from the  
  
tallest trees on the neighboring planet of Ryuten, approached ones view  
  
as many curved angular points, leading to a single massive dome.  
  
Everything on the Ozumi was curved and wooden, as was Juraian custom.  
  
For some reason the only material that the Juraians considered feasible  
  
building material was wood. Why they think this way is beyond my  
  
comprehension, but I know it is their greatest weakness.  
  
Passing in front of a nearby galaxy illuminated Ozumi's hull with a  
  
dull  
  
yellow glow. This made Ozumi more beautiful than it already was. Of  
  
course, another Juraian rule of thumb is beauty. All things Juraian must  
  
inherently be made beautiful. Such beauty going to waste. It makes me  
  
sad for what I am about to do, for such a thing of beauty is not easily  
  
destroyed without the mental consequences. It would be like burning down  
  
the Renoir', with it's bedazzling portraits of everything from scenery to  
  
figures to every day objects.  
  
Wait.  
  
I really dont have to do this.  
  
Wait, yes I do. I have to do it because those pompous Juraians need a  
  
splash of cold water in the face. They need a wake up call as to why  
  
they are so fragile. I mean, the Juraians idea of war is a bunch of  
  
long-haired men running around with swords dueling each other. It harks  
  
back to an earlier time. A time of Samurais and Shoguns, when Japan was  
  
still feudal and swordsmen were regarded as gods among men. Times have  
  
changed. There is no room in this universe for honorable dueling any  
  
more. Pity though, those were the glory days. Two men, facing each  
  
other on the field of honor. They would call out their personal soldiery  
  
resume, hoping that someone of equal status would hear their plea for an  
  
opponent. That was how wars were fought. "Were" being the operative  
  
term. Today, the phrase 'Never bring a knife to a gun fight' rings true.  
  
Why use a Katana when you could launch a thermo-nuclear device and end  
  
the existences of thousands of eager swordsmen, who never quite found  
  
their opponent. Yes, the Juraians are the perfect warrior race, but  
  
alas, it is not to be.  
  
Its outlines no longer edged with that golden hue, Ozumi glided  
  
silently through the void. At least, it did. It was graceful, it was  
  
sleek, but now, it was being eaten from the inside. Small crunching  
  
noises could be heard along the walls of the sleek craft. It was as if  
  
something was eating the craft. Something was, for a fact. That  
  
something was many millions termites, yes termites. For you see dear  
  
reader, the best way to destroy a Juraian fleet is simply to release a  
  
horde of termites upon it. And that is the end of that.  
  
*************  
  
Oh my, that was quite odd wasn't it? Oh well. It doesn't matter now.  
  
I'm way too tired to be in a happy mood. This topic was something my  
  
friends and I had joked about for a long time, but I finally decided to  
  
do something about it. Those pompous Juraians, I'll teach em....  
  
Whoops, momentary lapse of sanity. Gotta keep control here. Just breath  
  
Dave, breath. Jeez, I must really be tired. Oh well, enough is enough.  
  
On with the obligatory disclaimer that we ALL must include. Hey, at  
  
least I missed every single cliche in the Tenchi Muyo continuity. No  
  
Ryoko/Aeka brawls. No Sasami cooking. No Tenchi being a spineless worm.  
  
Just sheer poetic lyrics.  
  
Thank you for reading. Jerky will be handed out at the end of the  
  
disclaimer.  
  
Questions and comments can be sent to the following address:  
  
deathymcdeath@yahoo.com  
  
Flames and other bad stuff will be appreciated, right after they're  
  
printed out, stuck up your ass, and lit aflame. Oh man, I must really be  
  
tired.  
  
Tenchi Muyo is the sole Property of Pioneer LDC. AIC is the animation  
  
company. Im not sure if they own any part of Tenchi Muyo, but Im certain  
  
they dont, so they get left out of the disclaimer. Ha ha, sucks to be  
  
you, AIC. Wood(TM) is the sole property of nature, in all its wondrous  
  
splendor. Go nature. 


End file.
